If you could choose to either never be sick again or never be sad again, which would it be?

Took the crowd to a drive-in restaurant for dinner and then we played at the bookstore for an hour. Amy screamed, pulled books from shelves and tossed stuffed animals better than I've ever seen her throw a ball. I let each of the children pick out a book. Noah picked a book that will certainly get him in trouble at school, "The Day My Butt Went Psycho". To further convince you that I've lost my mind I also got ""Walter the Farting Dog" for the family library. I know it sounds awful but for some reason (not the obvious one) I found the story could apply to anyone who you love no matter how difficult it is to live with them. Came home to find a dead chipmunk at the front door. The cat has now killed the pair that lived in our big tree so we are chipmunkless. I hope Doug is taking good pictures this weekend. Tomorrow I take the crowd to soccer. The sorority is going to be in charge of the Girl Scout troop. I think the girls are going to love it.

Alice just told me I could change my Google language to Elmer Fudd. How funny is that? Also try bork, bork, bork.

Sarah and Doug are on their way to Nashville. All the children on the bus had glazed donuts and bags full of sugary snacks so they should be WILD when they get there. I think tonight's mall and restaurant (Rainforest Cafe) will be their favorite part of the trip. I have cleaning to do over here and then I'll figure out dinner. Tomorrow still looks hairy. I need to hear back if some other people can handle the scout meeting so I can get Noah to soccer.

Off to quickly grab a rain slicker for Sarah.

Our ants are not cute little picnic ants. They are big black 1 inch long ants that can swim. They are giving me the creeps. Every time I see a movement or feel a tickle I jump out of my skin. Tommy is unafraid of them. He picks them up with his bare hands and squishes them in the garbage disposal which is a huge waste of water for 1 little bug but I'm not complaining about his efforts. Amy plays with them and stomps them. Noah is a stomper too. The stomping leaves a big mess so I'm not really fond of that method. Sarah and I point them out for the other hunters. I tried getting the cat to help but she doesn't seem bothered by their presence. A rubber band or flying insect turns her into a jaguar but giant ants just don't get her going at all.

I still can't breathe through my nose and the damage mouth breathing is doing to my lips is quite gross. Chapped, cracked and bleeding lips beneath a red runny nose and a voice that sounds like a cross between Lauren Bacall and Harvey Fierstein. Yes, I'm the picture of loveliness. If I were Doug I'd be very excited about getting away from me for the weekend. Sarah is so excited about the class trip that her face is a huge smile and her little body looks like it has enough energy to run the entire distance between here and Nashville. I need to quit fooling around on the web and finish getting Sarah and Doug's things packed. Once I make it past the Saturday morning overlap when I'm supposed to be in two places at once things should be fine over here. If I could just get Amy to keep a diaper on things would be a lot cleaner over here. The duct tape no longer slows her down.

"Look ma-ma, a bug." "Amy put that bug down." "OK." Stomp. Crunch. "I got bug ma-ma."

I was bored and too stuffy to sleep last night so I counted Doug's t-shirts. Not dress shirts or polo style shirts or even solid colored plain shirts, just t-shirts with words and/or pictures on them. I stopped counting at 100. If you put every shirt I owned in a pile you wouldn't count 100. I have less than 10 t-shirts with words and/or pictures. Yet, Doug still says we don't need to get rid of anything to get the house clutter under control. "We just need to organize better." The kayak out back hasn't been used in AT LEAST 6 years and I bet the rubber fittings in it are completely rotted out. There is rock climbing equipment in our bedroom and garage. Is he putting a climbing wall on the side of the house? I think we could live for several months on ebay sales if he agreed to get rid of everything that hasn't been used in two years. I would apply the two year rule to EVERYTHING. The only exception would be books and pictures.

Doug put ant poison around the foundation of the house, traps all through the inside and even sprayed the baseboards. The ants are still everywhere. I wonder what animal would eat them? A monkey? The big sloth looking thing from Kingdom Hospital? How toxic does the house have to be to get these crawlies back outside where they belong?

My accomplishment for the day: Embarrass my Mother My mother was talking about her radiation, how she's feeling and how my father is behaving because of the radiation (bad jokes and a list of chores since she'll "be home anyway"). I suggested that she sleep with her head in his lap because it would probably help a 60-year-old man to have a little radiation in his prostate area. Although laughing my mother was so flustered that the conversation had to end quickly. Oops.

Noah is making what we are tentatively calling a "sneeze sleeve" for the school's invention convention. The idea came from watching him wipe his nose on his sleeve. The details aren't ironed out yet and suggestions are welcome but we really like his project. Sarah is determined not to make anything useful and despite my efforts to suggest that she create a new crafting tool she is now stuck on making a board game. I need to take her to a store so she can see what is already out there and look for a gap in the product line. I'm not crazy about her project, but oh well.

Since nobody wants to hear about the color of the stuff coming out of my nose I really have nothing interesting to say right now. Yet I ramble on anyway. Amy is watching Elmo in Grouchland. Yes, I actually like hearing Mandy Patinkin sing "Mine" but I don't like listening to Vanessa Williams sing. Doug has gone to ride horses with a friend. He'll need the relaxing ride to get through the chaos of chaperoning a fifth grade class trip all weekend. At least the boys won't be demanding room changes on the second night. Pre-teen girls have a 24 hour limit to the amount of time they can go without fighting. I hope he takes lots of pictures. I want to see rolled eyes in the museums and giggles in the restaurants. The itinerary was obviously created by someone without children. They will love the Rainforest Cafe and I think Amy needs to visit one soon. She loves it when we visit the Aquarium in Chattanooga.

I'm not sleepy but I'm going to bed and chill out. We have a nice new fitted sheet to replace the old threadbare one that finally developed into a giant hole. Tomorrow I will wake up with a nice new attitude and no built-up aggravations with certain people.

My wonderful husband said what needed to be said very tactfully. Thank you Doug!

Someone on the zoo crew is baiting me and Doug wants me to ignore but I really feel irrational about this.

Got some of the errands done but not all. Sarah is blissfully working on her party invitations instead of working on her long-term school project due next week. She has to make something for the school's "Invention Convention". Noah's project is all thought out and as soon as we sit still and spend an hour working on it, it'll be done. Sarah doesn't even have a good idea yet. Her ideas so far are umm, well, kinda lousy.

My cold hasn't improved and it's starting to effect my attitude. Or is that affect? I'm not looking it up. I need to run a few errands today in preparation for Sarah's class trip this weekend. Doug is going along as a chaperone. That way we can spy on Sarah without being in her space. Besides they were desperate for some men on the trip to monitor the 10 and 11-year-old boys' rowdyness. Doug will be silly and the kids will love him. This afternoon I have to finish off the laundry since Sarah has requested that I pack the pjs that she wore last night. She has a brand new shirt to wear Friday thanks to a care package from Aunt Jeni and Uncle Dean. Thanks guys!

There's one member of the zoo crew who I can no longer tolerate. She criticizes EVERYTHING. We can't schedule a meeting because of her whining. The next time she complains I'm telling everyone that she is in charge.

I finished reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time". Let me start by saying that I really like this book. I felt very comfortable with the main character. It is clever and sweet but not sentimental or condescending. I can see how it could easily be the topic of some excellent "book club" or college level literature discussions. However, apparently I'm really stupid because I couldn't read it without taking breaks or my brain hurt. I was afraid to skim the character's digressions into mathematical problems or camera-like descriptions of his surroundings so I tried to understand everything. I knew almost immediately what the solution to the mystery was but I didn't realize until halfway through the book that the book's topic was not at all what I originally thought it was. I think that it is appropriate for older teen and up but adults will like it regardless of their connection to (or lack of a connection to) the Autistic Spectrum.

I want one of these totes. They come in several different styles. I like it almost as much as I like this tote.

Very relaxing bath. Now if I could just get the last zoo crew meeting scheduled. My mother had her "big dose" of the radiation today to wipe out her thyroid. She seems strangely giddy so I'm certain she's very scared. The kids' birthday party is scheduled for Saturday May 15th from 1:45 to 4. Everyone is welcome but I need RSVPs so I have enough food. :)

Amy played herself to sleep. Now I am going to soak in a very hot bath. Afterward I will do more laundry and then review the book I just finished reading. I scheduled the summer birthday party for the children. We found out last year that we could get away with having one party for Sarah, Noah and Amy. Much easier to plan one party than three. Tommy's is in the fall and more complicated because he has no friends to attend.

Every office drone needs these rubber stamps.

I feel cruddy today and a few members of the zoo crew are trying to drive me crazy. The ant traps aren't slowing down the invasion. Amy is happy, chatty and funny today. "Mommy's juice HOT." Then she blew on it repeatedly.

Two children in bed asleep, one playing in bed and one sleeping in the tub. I'm going downstairs and read in bed.

Hard to read but funny. The ants are still treating the dishwasher like it's their personal resort. Good food, beaches, mountain climbing, etc. Doug says to just run the dishwasher and the ants will go down the drain. I say there will be ant body parts all over the dishes. What do YOU think?

Spent too much time reading and a feel a bit light-headed now. Decided against the mega-conference. My throat burns and I have too much drainage to discuss without grossing people out. The ants are congregating in the dishwasher and I don't want to run it with them in there no matter what Doug says. Back to the laundry.

It's a bad idea to have chips and dip while lost in a book. I have no idea how much I pigged out. I've put the snacks away and I'm going to read a bit longer. After I read all the children's school notes I'll decide if I want to attend the TN Disability Megaconference. The tv music station is playing Spiders and Snakes which was the first song Doug taught Noah. A four-year-old shaking his finger and singing is etched in my brain where hopefully old age can't erase it.

Message on the inside of the sour cream container "Life is more fun when you live it with a smile." Chips and a good book it is.

Hmmm. Do more laundry or have chips and dip while getting lost in a good book? Do what I should do or what I want to do?

Everyone over here either has a cold or nasty allergies. Sore throat (me), sniffling (Noah) and coughing (Doug & Tommy). Doug hates feeling sick. He likes to load up on cough medicine so that he can stay asleep until the symptoms go away. The medicines don't make the symptoms go away any faster, they just make you sleepy. If Doug could get second interview with someone I think he'd feel a lot better.

Today is Mum's (I've been reading a lot of European blogs lately) thyroid radiation test. They've pretty much already told her that tomorrow she'll be getting the "big dose" to destroy her thyroid.

1 ant, 2 ants , 3 ants 4 our picnic is their grocery store 5 ants 6 ants 7 ants 8 they are crawling on my plate 8 ants 7 ants stomp around 6 ants 5 ants on the grounds 4 ants 3 ants on the run 2 ants 1 ant no more fun. Thanks for the ant poem.

Played at the park until Amy was too dirty to continue. When she got a giant goose-egg on her forehead it was time to leave. My mother took the three youngest for a sleepover and church. Tommy spent the day testy and sullen. Doug, Tommy and I went to the pet store to pet the dogs (something I enjoy doing) and then he grocery for some meat to grill. We ate steak (thank you Doug) and watched Almost Famous. Doug and I took advantage of our empty nest and stayed up late begore we slept in. Today is cleaning day but I will take several small breaks for reading.

The girls' glitter is all over this house. Right now Doug is as sparkly as a 10-year-old girl. Tee-hee-hee.

Spring ants in the house Hiding, lurking, in your face Like pain, hurt and death.

Someone turned the HEAT on and it's over 80 degrees in this house. I want to get outside or anyplace cooler. I've told the girls to get their things together. They aren't.

My brother and his wife got a new kitten yesterday. It is a tiny white ball of fluff that looks adorably pettable.

Sarah's friend (and troopmate) is spending today with us. She is twelve years old and a good foot taller than Sarah. This girl is an only child. She expects someone else to carry her things, fix her food, clean her messes and basically serve her. Her parents carry her things to the scout meetings and her suitcases in our house when she visits. When she leaves her parents will gather her things and carry them out. For the next two weeks we will gather all of the things she left behind. This doen't go over very big at our house where everyone has to pitch in or we can't function. She and Sarah stayed up all night trashing the house. All of Sarah's clothes are off their shelves, out of drawers and off their hangers. They are all over the floor and when I ask the girls to clean Sarah grumbles while her friend looks at me blankly and says "why". When I pondered aloud about the condition of her room she calmly stated that her floor has huge piles of stiff that her mother comes in and cleans twice a year. I offered the girls several choices for lunch and after saying no to all the choices she announced "The only thing I want right now is tomato soup. <"We don't have any."> Can you go get some?" Yet another reason why I appreciate having a large family. It's better to have children who do without than children who have everything and are completely self centered. Doug has gone back to bed. The ants are everywhere I look.

Took our family and several girl scouts to the circus. Except for the cost of the food there we had a great time. Amy loved the first half. She was so overtired that she spent the second half trying to leave. Doug was a little short-tempered at the interruptions to his show and Tommy was too stimulated but otherwise everyone had fun. Sarah had a friend spend the night and they stayed up most of the night. Doug got up at 3 a.m. to give an unhappy baby a sip of juice. He got up again at 8:30 to change a messy diaper and make lots of noise. I got up, finished the diaper and took the baby upstairs so he could go back to bed for an hour and a half. I asked the girls to get up and get dressed. When I finally said we'd be leaving in 15 minutes, sarah's friend went in the bathroom and ran a bath. Now I can't do my hair or makeup because that bathroom is occupied. I went downstairs for Amy's clothes and Doug mumbled and stirred. It's time to leave for Noah's soccer game.

Noah came home complaining of a headache but full of energy. We dragged Amy and Noah to Tommy's school for a two and a half hour meeting. The children played happily, then they got restless. Amy stripped down to her diaper and pooped. You would think the smell would have sped up the meeting but it was like the energizer bunny chasing his own tail. It kept going and going and getting nowhere. I feel like the whole day was stolen. We have done some quickie cleaning in an effort to slow down the spring ant invasion. Now I need to make a quick grocery run so I can fix snack bags for the circus tonight. If I take snack bags we save a gazillion dollars on popcorn, cotton candy and other over-priced circus food. We'll still get drinks there so that we can visit their bathrooms a dozen times.

We need to leave in 20 minutes. I'm not ready and the spring ant invasion has begun on a day when we have sleepover guests. Argh!

It is "I have a complaint" zoo member's day to annoy me. I know this because I haven't finished reading her e-mails this morning and I am watching more pour into my box. If I stopped the morning read-and-reply long enugh to take a bath I would come back to complaints that I wasn't answering "complaint's" e-mails fast enough.

Sometimes there is more going on than my little mind can absorb. If the little jolts in life would just space themselves out I could process and react rationally but nooooo, everything likes to happen at once. I have a couple calling me and asking me to stop the nasty things that are happening to a child whose name I don't even know. Tommy is in the middle of a melt-down over school. My mother dropped me an e-mail casually announcing that she's having RAI treatment next week and asking if I can pet-sit. At the same time that I'm researching radioactivity side effects Doug is sending the phone text messages that Tommy is stemming and he sees a major explosion happening later tonight. Of course he won't be here for that because he'll be working the craps table at a mock casino as a favor for the company loaning equipment to the zoo crew. Mock casinos mean you keep the guest entertained and happy. Nothing like adultery, but flirting and flattering. He won't tell any of the women there that they are severe looking. On the other hand I am surrounded by three little people who constantly make me smile. Sarah is out front giggling and squishing her face on the glass window so that she looks like a fish. Noah is dressed in the most mismatched clothes I've ever seen playing a video game and Amy is laughing out loud at her big sister's antics. Just looking at Amy makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. She's a tiny little version of Doug and I with red-blonde curls in a sundress and frilly diaper cover.

People across the street have their landscapers out mowing and edging. I wish they'd mow and edge our yard. Last night we saw a commercial for something that looks like a mower and you clear brush and tall weeds with it. Doug and I both had drool running out of our mouths.

I like to have tv on the music channels during the day and listen to the 70's station most of the time. Two songs caught my attention enough that I had to look up the lyrics today. I've heard the songs many times but I still find them interesting. War's Spill the Wine is a fun song to listen to and the lyrics are easy to misinterpret but what the heack is the song really about? Then there's Alice Cooper's Only Woman Bleed which brings out mixed feelings of why are you singing about that and gee those are some really good lyrics. It's definitely a love-hate song.

Zoo Crew project continues to interfere with my efforts to be calm and happy. My mantra is now "just two weeks" but of course that's not a good mantra since it makes me feel stressed at the lack of time left.

Didn't get the evidence the easy way. Now I have to start making phone calls. This is where it gets tricky and dangerous.

A nasty rumor was spreading about how a child is being treated in a local school yesterday. Today I found out that it is the school where two of my children attend. Now I'm obsessed with getting to the bottom of this. Heading over to the school now to start questioning people.

Doug and I have different feelings about indoor lighting. Quite simply, he loves it and I avoid it. I don't run around imitating my father. "Turn the light off when you leave the room. I'm not made of money." There's more to his speech but you probably know the lines already. I just prefer to have the curtains open and use natural light. Even at night I find indoor lighting less relaxing. Doug likes lights and lamps on and frequently has to say "I can't see a thing in here" even when the room has plenty of light coming in through the windows. Maybe I should get him a miner's hat with a big lamp on the forehead so that he will have bright light wherever he goes.

Sarah wants me to put her hair in a dozen braids so that she'll have waves in the morning. Sarah has beautiful straight, long, blonde-brown hair and wants waves, curls and frizz. I have mud-colored (gray now but I'm not ready for that so chemicals assist me), frizzy, wavy, curly, uncontrolled mess that I have been ironing straight daily for more than 20 years. I have Gilda Radner's hair on a bad hair day and Sarah has Brittney Spears hair, yet neither of us is satisfied.

This is the vacation we can't afford but may end up trying. But this is what we really need NOW.

The Sergeant in charge called to tell me that there is just not an officer available to do Saturday's class. Rats. Now I try to contact all the other troop leaders and hope that everyone finds out the class is cancelled. I am certain that someone will show up for the class anyway and I'll be persona non grata.

Is it really Wednesday already? Slow down! I have lots of stuff to do and time is going too quickly.

OK, my stomach is starting to hurt now. We lost one of the entertainers for the zoo (not a big deal really) and the officer doing the safety class for Girl Scouts on Saturday just cancelled. THAT is a problem. I will have to do the training myself if I can't find another officer.

Today is the day for "silent and opinionless" zoo crew member to make me crazy.

Sarah's ideal room would be furry and fluffy.

Doug sent me the text of a conversation between himself and an old friend. Not someone who is old but someone he has known for a long time and oh, you get the idea. Friend: "Regarding Amy?" Doug: "Speaks in sentences. Is ridiculously happy all the time. Much fun." Friend: "Yeah that's generally what the product of 2 manic depressives is like.... genius unmitigated by the rigors of life."

OK, I just have to add one more fun site. This is what it's like to have a conversation with a child. I could waste HOURS on this guy's site.

This is my strange link of the day.

Dad - "Amy what are you doing?" Amy - "Poop." Dad - "I have to go make a phone call now."

I fell off my "remain calm and take things in stride" wagon when one of the zoo crew members didn't like my suggestions for a meeting day or time. I let myself get upset, send out a snappy e-mail and yelled at the family. Bad me. I must not become upset over such trivial things. I'm going to chill out and say "Mom" because it is better tham Om.

I keep waiting for Doug to post about what happened on Saturday but since he hasn't I'll nudge him with my version of the story. Saturday night Doug turned to me and said "I didn't want to tell you this because I know how your mind works, but..." If you have been following my blog, you've already read about all the residents of our cove. The renters have been next door for a year now and kept to themselves except for our occasional tiffs. Saturday one of the men who lives there (2 couples and children) came over and started quizzing Doug about what he does for a living. Doug offered that he is a computer programmer and works from home. Then the conversation turned to the neighbor saying that someone has been stealing from his home. Hard Rock Cafe jacket and Van Halen records or some such useless junk. Well, first of all, WHY would anyone steal that kind of junk when the other people in the neighborhood have computers, televisions, etc.? Secondly, why are the renters the only ones who have been robbed? Third, in this cove people are pretty nosey and aware of everything happening so the idea of a break-in just sounds fishy. So, in my mind (remember that this is why Doug didn't want to tell me) they are either having someone in their household stealing stuff and selling it OR (what I really believe) they just cased us and set us up to be robbed. These people are the only renters in the cove. They come and go at all hours. They moved in the house with NOTHING. Every piece of furniture, appliance, television, etc. is rented. They are set-up to hop in their cars and never return. They have a leased car that is crushed so badly the rear fender is held on with rope. Their explanation is that they were hit and run from behind. I just don't believe anyone could inflict that much damage and just drive away because the other car HAD to be crushed too. These people are wierd. They paid a deposit in cash to start their trash service then never paid a bill. After the can was finally taken away they just started over with a new trash service. This way they get 3 - 6 months of trash service from a provider for the cost of one depost (one month's service fee). Doug is totally unconcerned but I am flipped. They will wait a few days or weeks and then suddenly we will lose everything. We don't have the option of losing our stuff and replacing it. We would just be without. Without his computer, Doug can't work.

If anyone has seen "What Lies Beneath" I have a question about the last 30 minutes of the film.

In a moment of pointless naughtiness I sat and figured out my husband's birth date's distance from his parents' wedding date. Thirteen weeks too close together. The only reason this is funny is that they made it clear they were suspicious of our motivations for getting married even though their suspicions were unfounded. When I went into labor I told Doug to call and tell his parents to drive here quickly so they'd see her but they weren't interested. They said they'd see her in the fall (5 months later) when they came up for their once a year football game. I was less than happy about that so Doug and I made the long drive up to see them when Amy was 10 days old. Not a fun thing to do when you are tired and nursing. After "seeing" Amy's strong resemblance to her Daddy they verbally accepted her as actually their grandchild. The best part of the trip was the family photographs that hang in our hallway. Someday Amy will cherish those pictures. Doug will probably get upset about this blog entry so it may not be posted for very long.

In the time it took me to read and reply to my e-mails and catch up on friends' blogs, Amy took off all her clothes, ate one pop-tart, dumped the toy box and pee'd on the floor. Not yet two and she's already more productive than me.

I've been reading about The United States of Leland for weeks in my Autism spectrum yahoo groups. I will not be seeing it and I hope you won't either.

After a recommendation from Arcite I ordered "Speed of Dark" and "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time". I am still waiting for "Asperger Syndrome, Adolescence and Identity: Looking Beyond the Label" to arrive. Reviews coming soon.

One quickie meeting down with minimal input from "let's talk about me" person and "i have a complaint" person. Home to switch places with Dad. Now he's off to a meeting and I'm home with the little people. Given the choice I'd prefer home with the little people over a meeting any day. Have to get everyone fed, bathed and equipped for morning ("will you wear this?"). More blog later.

My computer is being uncooperative and I need cooperation from it right now.

Making choices and the values game.

One task done, a million tasks to go.

Whenever Knox County Schools appears on caller ID my heart skips a beat. They are calling to schedule the IEP. The meeting will go like this: 1. School says they LOVE Tommy and want him to repeat eighth grade. 2. We say we don't want him there another year and begin listing our complaints about their program. 3. They get defensive and we get angry. 4. We schedule another meeting.

Tomorrow is a hard day. Too many activities and too few people. The balancing act will have Doug and I dividing up to handle duties.

Doug is very crotchety. Everything I say gets me griped at or lectured and when I ask what's bothering him he snaps that nothing is wrong. Sigh.

"Mom, your feet look like Dad's in those shoes (Birkenstocks)." "WHAT?!?" Have I reached the age where women start looking like men already?? I feel a nervous breakdown coming on.

Doug is practicing his skills for parenting a teenage girl .

Finding Nemo lesson number one - Without bad, there is no good. If nothing bad happens, then nothing really good will happen either. You have to take the chance on the possibility of bad or you won't experience the good that was risky. You need to have the bad stuff to appreciate the good stuff. If everything that ever happens is good, then good becomes normal and taken for granted. If you have bad stuff mixed in, then the the things that might seem normal for others are perceived as good by comparison to the bad you've experienced.

Sarah held and cuddled a newborn today. Lots of whining over things that don't really matter in other places, but good fun and happy memories here. I wish Doug could have had the wonderful experiences with the other children that he has with Amy but time will make things balance out. As my father likes to remind me, it won't be long before we are grandparents. Eeeeeeek!

The good thing about not having just one child is that they KNOW they are not the center of the universe. They know that stuff happens and you have to be flexible and work with what you have. Tantrums over not getting your way just don't fly over here.

Looked at all the sweet little baby clothes in the mall. Now we're working out the evening schedule.

Had a pleasant troop meeting and received a large pile of fabric and yarn for Project Linus. I still hope I'll hear from a reporter about getting something in the newspaper. All the boys in the family have gone to a football game and all the girls are heading to the mall for window shopping. It is a bea-u-ti-ful day outside so maybe this evening we'll grill outside. More blog tonight.

Doug went to the phone store AGAIN and whined about the POS phones that we had and they finally fixed us up. Now I'll spend the whole weekend learning to use it and setting up personalized ring tones so I know who's calling without looking. Fun.

What do you do when you see a bunch of 8-y-o boys peeing off a trampoline? I mean after you finish laughing.

I didn't know that public urination was a competitive sport until I had sons.

Walked in the door from our errands and Amy immediately did her Gypsy Rose Lee number.

Heading out to pick up circus tickets, drop off Project Linus boxes at two different locations and get a birthday gift for one of Noah's friends. Fun errands. The best part is that I get to spend the day with Doug and Amy.

Busy day today but the good, fun kind of busy and not the frantic, frustrated kind of busy.

Amy just won't settle in tonight. "No nite-nite."

It's hot upstairs. I'm going to the cool basement and decorate some boxes for Project Linus.

Doug got permission for a box to be at Jo Anne's Fabric and Crafts. He always comes through for me. I am so lucky to be married to him.

Still on a high from the permission to leave a donation box at Gina's Bernina Sewing Center, I have started the process of e-mailing all the people who I've ever spoken to at our local newspaper. I hope that one of them will decide we are worthy of a small blurb in the paper. Time to clean up the house and get the children's things ready for the morning rush.

Alice, Doug and I are STILL the only ones working on the zoo. I can't even get the other people to contribute ideas via e-mail. My hero Doug has rescued me yet again. He just got a retailer to agree to a drop-off box. Now I need to talk a reporter into doing an article. That's my project for the rest of the evening and all day tomorrow.

Had a quick trip to a store that Amy has pretty much outgrown (sniff). Doug has left to take Tommy to STAR and I need to load the crowd up and go get Sarah from 4-H. When we get back I need to get things prepared for Saturday's troop meeting and try to get anarticle about Project Linus in the newspaper. We didn't get the circus tickets picked up and that MUST get done tomorrow.

Doug spent yesterday afternoon editing some old pictures. Today he's a plumber. He is definitely a man of many talents.

Dark is the tastiest chocolate. White isn't really a chocolate at all so toss that one out of consideration altogether.

Dark chocolate, milk chocolate or white chocolate?

Not the best day but not the worst either. I could and should keep working but I'm too close to the edge of sanity to push it any further. Time to go find a movie to watch. Tomorrow I need to go get the circus tickets.

After Amy removed her nap clothes and diaper I asked her to sit on her little potty. She did and almost immediately I heard the quietest little tinkle. I clapped and praised her and called Doug upstairs to participate in the celebration. Doug interpreted my call as a plea for help with Tommy who was napping instead of doing his schoolwork (he has stopped trying to do ANY work). After scolding Tommy Doug arrived in the bathroom. "I pee-pee." Doug clapped and praised her before making a blank 'what now' face to me. I need to hide some M&Ms in the bathroom for these occasions. "Amy come get a diaper." "Nuh-uh." "Amy come here." Small feet scamper away as toddler giggles. Mom must swoop her up and inflict diaper and duct tape now.

A Daddy-long-legs spider tiptoed across the floor and the cat lunged but pulled back at the last minute. "Amy look at the spider." Amy looked very serious, hiked one foot high up in the air and STOMPED down, narrowly missing the harmless creature. Doug removed the object of her disaffection.

I'm going to eat one of these brightly colored eggs for a snack.

The zoo (not my family) project is too depressing to think about any more. Too few exhibitors, entertainers dropping out, no shirts or stickers, apathy in all but three people and (worst of all) Doug has to do a *#!@ casino with his ex-wife and her boyfriend in exchange for us borrowing the table skirts and decorations. I can't begin to explain how much this bothers me. The other scouts aren't asking their schools or churches about the yarn and fabric collection for Project Linus. I still don't have a major drop-off location that I can use as leverage to get an article in the paper.

Amy played happily until some silent alarm went off in her head. At that point she removed the things that she knows are not a part of her body and happily played until I put on a new layer of insulation and tucked her in the crib for a nap (with the tent over it safely zipped closed of course).

Unmotivated and de-energized today.

Even toddlers know that the green sweet-tarts are yucky.

"Ma-ma? Bunnee canee! Canee, canee, canee! Wow!"

Worry, anxiety, regret, fantasy and reality are consuming me.

Study: Owning A Boat Not Worth It

Toddler guide to fun - When you get tired of trying to peel the duct tape off your diaper, scream and demand some doritos. As soon as you win your bowl of chips, dump them onto the floor. Then, jump up and down on them until they are completely crushed.

Why do the perverts doing Google searches for porn keep finding my blog?

My brothers are having a good time bickering politics. Usually they avoid topics that they know they disagree on since they are such polar opposites politically but equally stubborn and determined. The topic of discussion is Bush's days spent in office versus his days spent on vacation. I'm enjoying their banter. The consensus so far is that Bush is the first telecommuting president (snicker). Your thoughts?

Pointless trip downtown to pay for the troop's circus tickets. I'll have to go back Wednesday or Thursday and pick the tickets up. Grabbed paperwork for Tommy to be a Boy Scout. Still can't decide on Lone Scout or trying to fit him in a troop but I know which one would be easier on us. Checked out Tommy and had his pointless day described to us. Walked in the door and Amy stripped naked. In a few minutes it will be time to take Tommy to group therapy. I need to do some serious Project Linus work this week. It's still raining. I would like to crawl back in bed and hide there for a week or two.

Stayed in bed late listening to the rain. Had a dream that Tommy thought it would be funny to sit on me in the pool and even after I drowned he was still sitting on me, giggling at his good joke. As I sat reading in my e-mail about a high school classmate who died Easter morning I found out that Tim had a death in his family. He wrote a very sweet, loving tribute in his blog.

Angry and upset. I'm going to go downstairs and stress eat.

It's time to stop fighting with Tommy over this schoolwork and just get him ready for bed. No child can sit still for 8 hours and expecting this of Tommy is cruel.

Doug is getting overwhelmed and needs to get out for a while but he acts like I'm abusing him by suggesting he get away.

Doug wants to be left alone today and because it isn't happening he is getting increasingly cranky. I'm tired and mopey and just want everyone to be happy. I feel very tense anticipating the inevitable blow-up that will happen before the children get to sleep tonight.

It has been raining all night. I love sleeping to the sound of spring rains. It does make it hard to get up and even harder to feel motivated to get dressed.

Just now had the time to go back and read some of the comments people have made in this blog. I found out my brother felt insulted by one of my comments. Now I feel like crud. Again. I had been using this blog to let out the things that don't usually come out of my mouth. It was my free freudian stream of consciousness therapy. I guess I was stupid and inconsiderate.

Semantics and political correctness aside, does missing one of your five senses make you disabled or handicapped?

I think we found all the eggs. I know the children are going to have tummy aches. Everyone is happy and content. The quiet rain makes me want to nap but the mess that the children are creating makes me want to run behind them and try to keep up with the clutter. Should I spend my day cleaning up after them or wait and work harder when they go to bed. It's comforting to have things clean but depressing to have a room you just cleaned turn into a large toybox. I could just hide on the computer for a while but nobody is blogging today and I have no mail to answer. That nap is sounding more appealing.

Oops! You shouldn't talk and hide eggs at the same time. I think there are 56 plastic eggs and 38 boiled but I might have been distracted. As long as the real ones all get found we should be fine.

Not being able to blog is driving me crazy.

I have easter stuff to prepare and the children don't seem the least bit tired.

What's wrong with blogger tonight?

The doctors think my grandmother had a mild stomach virus and it gave her an anxiety attack. Several years ago my grandmother had a tiny spot of skin cancer on her nose after a lifetime out in the sun. Ever since then every freckle, age spot and scratch has her demanding a trip to the dermatologist to have it burned off. She has taken to loving her doctor visits and rarely goes a week without needing a trip to one of her many specialists. My mother is her only child. Maybe if she had more children to keep her mind occupied she'd be a teeny bit less self-absorbed. Probably not though.

Dad and Tommy had movie plans for the evening, so my father decided to take Sarah and Noah to see a different movie. Fine. I had planned on doing errands with Sarah and have been waiting since noon for her to be ready. Now I'll just go alone. Interrupted by phone call. Back now. Running out of time to do errands. Gotta run.

I have been lusting for a new purse and found the perfect one in a Levenger catalog but I can't find a cheap imitation anywhere. I bet I could find one if we lived in a big city.

I haven't heard from my mother for hours. I would like to know what's happening at the hospital.

Why did they make another Alamo movie? Hasn't it been done enough already? Doesn't it always end with our favorite real-life cowboy legends being tortured to death? Of course this one (like the modern Pearl Harbor movie) tacks on an additional battle as if to say "it was worth the price we paid". Men like war.

Sarah took pity on Amy and now the two of them are splashing in the bathtub. Noah is prowling the neighborhood. Tommy is at a classmate's birthday party. Dad is napping. I'm going to go clean the breakfast dishes and wait to hear some news about my grandmother.

Amy is standing naked in the hallway screaming "bath" and pointing at the bathroom door. I said no and walked away and she dropped to the ground in a puddle of anger. "Baaaath waaaaa baaaaath waaaah!"

We were supposed to have a nice lunch out with my grandmother, but last night she ended up in the ER. Right now she's still in the ER but they are going to admit her for a day or two. She complains of a pain in her side but the doctors can't find anything wrong. I asked my mother if it could possibly be a psychological pain since my grandmother has Alzheimers with dementia but my mother thinks something is wrong physically. Not knowing and waiting are very hard things to do. I need to get dressed and give my mom a break this afternoon. I'll have to be home befor dinner because Dad and Tommy have plans. I don't know how Easter is going to work now either. My mother camps out at the hospital and waits on her mother whenever this happens (several times a year).

The day is ending very pleasantly except for the anxiety I feel about Sarah's antics this evening. Sarah went "midnight bowling" with two friends. I just worry about who else is at the bowling alley and what stupid things they can talk three pre-teen girls into doing. I'm going downstairs and prepare the Easter baskets.

This is the first year we are using our brains and coloring two days early instead of the night before. The idea is that we won't have children with pink and green fingers at church on Sunday. I like having the eggs to snack on all week even when the white of the egg has strange colors absorbed through the eggshell. Do you know how can you can tell a boiled egg from a raw egg?

Tommy is angry and that is causing problems for everyone.

I took a bath while Amy napped. Tried to shave my legs with a dull razor. Tommy raided the kitchen and ate a half a dozen stale rolls and a giant bowl of ice cream. Now Amy is up and I still haven't gotten to dry my hair.

While sitting at the computer catching up on e-mail I heard Amy scream from the back of the house. I tried defying the laws of gravity and speed to get to her but in the process I slammed my pinky toe into the gate that she should not have been on the other side of and my old knees were assaulted by my body weight and gravity as I fell. I stumbled up and crawl-ran to find Amy in Sarah's room. She had pulled a dresser drawer completely out and her legs were pinned under it. I broke all the rules and swooped her into my arms to calm her down. Although still doing gaspy, huffy, crying breaths (how DO you describe that sound) she was up and walking quickly. She toddled in to the living room, looked at Nemo and stripped naked.

Doug walked in the door and asked me a simple question. I immediately tensed up from head to toe and snapped at him. He mumbled an insult about the tension over here being all my fault and then I failed at apologizing for snapping. Failed so badly that he calmly spoke words that stabbed right through my heart. I hate me.

Siily Mommy. A five minute nap was all Amy wanted. Now she is once again velcro baby.

Amy got whiny so I tucked her in the toddler bed while I cleaned Sarah's room. She tried staying awake to watch me but before I finished she was deep asleep. Dad and Noah are at Boy Scouts. Sarah is playing outside and Tommy is prowling for trouble. Time for Mommy to relax and clear her brain for 10 minutes.

I'm going downstairs and find the duct tape so I can keep Amy's diaper on her. I give up on the clothes. Buttons, snaps, zippers, all last seconds on her wiggly little body.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense". Ralph Waldo Emerson Thank you Judith! Deep breath in, now forget about all the stupid people and bad technology as you exhale.

The battle with Tommy has begun. This should continue for several days as we try to get his schoolwork completed.

I locked up the computer by asking it to do too much. Used the re-boot time to set up Amy's "Little People".

The washer and dryer are running. I folded a basket of clothes and Doug just brought up a new basket needing folding. The stacks are quite talll, so I'm going to need to get these put away before I fold more. Invited a few more exhibitors. I feel confident that at the last minute Alice's phone calls and tactful negotiating will get several of the mental health exhibitors back. I am not happy about the number of non-mental health themed exhibitors. Alice talked one summer camp into exhibiting but otherwise it looks like the same old, same old. I REALLY want to say what I think to one member of the zoo crew at the next meeting. Now I'm going to spend some time printing planner forms and getting it in a more orderly fashion.

OK, new day and new attitude. Let's see how much I can accomplish today. If I accomplish something (translation: anything at all) I will watch Kingdom Hospital tonight. Let's start the day by getting the washer and dryer humming together in an orchestra of clatter. The washer alternating between its' spinning "whrrrr" and vibrating "swoosh-swoosh" that is soothing until it goes off-balance and the dryer making its' loud "ka-thump" noise. After that I'll send out some e-mails about the zoo.

Frustrated, aggravated, going to bed.

It's almost 80 degrees outside!

No cavities!! Dropped off several letters but forgot one place that we drove right past. Didn't get Tommy's schoolwork picked up yet. Forgot to get school notes from the dentist. The dishes are caught up so I need to concentrate on the laundry. No Kingdom Hospital tonight because they've moved it to compete with ER. Time to get ready for soccer practice.

Didn't accomplish enough yesterday. Must do better today. Today's agenda includes the pediatric dentist (huge bill) and soccer practice. In between I have Project Linus letters to drop off in 5 different locations, boxes to decorate, exhibitors to contact, information to collect, dishes to wash, laundry to fold, glasses to find, downstairs to clean, schoolwork to help with, planner to update, paperwork to do and baskets/eggs to prepare. Just looking at that list makes me feel sick. I feel like I'm in a big hole that gets deeper by the minute.

I've e-mailed all my state legislators about a bill that they are discussing tomorrow and I've argued with the zoo crew about silly things. I'm tired now. I'm going to take a bath.

I lied. I've been back at the computer twice reading and sending e-mails about the zoo as a dormant member suddenly comes out of hibernation and acted like a bear because others' have invaded her cave.

Except for a few errands, the zoo crew is in a holding pattern until i get more responses. I'm not doing anything else about it until tomorrow anyway. Doug put the toddler bed together and Amy is quite excited about her "big girl" bed. I don't think she'll actually sleep in it for several months, but we'll try off and on.

I've been so busy and wasted so much time walking around the house complaining about the zoo crew that I'm not getting much blogging or anything else done. I'll try to be more productive today.

OK, I'm through being positive. The zoo crew is making me crazy. There is absolutely no similarity in what different people want and expect from this event. Instead of cohesiveness we have chaos. I know that the team leader is responsible for group dynamics so I accept responsibility. I have spent too much time just sitting back and saying whatever they want. Now we have people who want to do the exact same thing every year and then complain about why they didn't like the results. Any suggestions that Alice and I made were flatly ignored. The attitude of the group is SO It's fine. We don't want to do anything more than raise a pinky. I am VERY ANGRY. Two people with no income or job who offered only to "help out a little" and one extremely pregnant woman are doing all the work. And that is just fine with the rest of the group. Now they are trying to do something tacky and stupid with the tickets. What is wrong with these people? This is my VERY LAST mental health event. Yes, I'll continue to do the support group but I believe that after a few months that group will be self-sustaining. That is an intelligent group of people. THIS is ridiculous!

Well, I had clean clothes to put on this morning. I dropped 900 Project Linus flyers off at Sarah's school. We made it to the zoo crew meeting on time. Lunch was very tasty. We got a very good idea of where the project stands at this point. Afterward, Doug and I raided the free literature at the Visitor Information Center and picked up a pile of class schedules from the Ice Arena. I chatted with the very nice secretary at Tommy's school. I get to spend LOTS of quality time with Tommy for the rest of the week. I sent out a LOT of e-mails about the zoo this afternoon. I have learned that Amy will only wear her favorite diaper. Now I'm going to make my hands really clean with soapy water in the kitchen sink. Much later tonight I'll get to lie in the bed for a while. Was that a positive spin on my day?

I haven't blogged today because more than one person has commented on my negativity lately. Soooo, I'm trying to find a way to put a positive spin on today.

I am feeling much calmer today. I'm not out of my funk and finally willing to walk away from the zoo crew if I see my role as pointless scapegoat. I don't care that it will be my fault that things went bad. I have so much better things to spend my time doing. This isn't worth the anxiety, headaches and stomach aches. Doug is jolly today when I know he has to be one mass of aching muscle. If I even tried doing what he did this weekend I would be in bed crying that i couldn't move because he hurt too much. Sarah is back in her "I hate my clothes" mood. She has a closet full of things that she refuses to wear. granted, some of them are way too small but otherss she just won't wear. I want to just take out everything that doesn't fit or won't be worn but she cries "don't take it away" when I try to do so. Doug and I would both like to empty the closet and start over but that's not feasable. What frightens us is the fact that she's not quite eleven. How is she going to act when she's 14?

My brother wants me to spend the weekend after next re-landscaping my parents yard. I have to point out that their yard is already landscaped very nicely albeit low-maintenance landscaping. My brother and his wife want to see more "color" in the yard. Later this summer they want us all to work together and built a deck for my parents. When my parents aren't at work or church they are asleep or watching tv in their la-z-boys. Doug and I have begged and pleaded to our entire extended family not to ever give us a gift but to instead help us with the house and yard renovation. Not only does everyone turn us down, they throw in a little insult like "No way are we working on that house." My favorites are the comments by Doug's sister. "Your house is gross."

The service engine soon light now stays on in the wagon. The engine needs more than just service. The transmission is dying and we can't afford to replace it. Doug made the mistake of telling his mother about the wreck yesterday and she was so angry she had to end their conversation. I know what she's thinking. "When we gave you that car it was just like new." It was "clean" as a car fresh out of the factory but not like a new car in any other way. It came to us with the cheapest am/fm stereo available in the dealership and as soon as we turned the radio on the speakers started going out. It had several small dings and dents that she somehow denied existed. It had a zillion miles on it and had never been driven anywhere but around flat as a pancake Ohio. On the "hills" of East TN it runs like the little engine that couldn't.

I am depressed. Doug is grumpy. My parents have a special talent for innocently making me feel like a complete failure. Today they dropped Sarah off and her hair was about 8 inches shorter than when I dropped he off at their house last night. My mother casually remarked that the hairdresser told her how very "dry and damaged" Sarah's hair was and that I really should have been using conditioner. Then they informed me that they had next Sunday all planned. Early service, then egg hunt at their house followed by everyone going out to eat with my grandmother (who has Alzheimer's). Yes, we have no lawn. Only a hill of weeds, ditches and overgrown brush. Thank you for reminding me that we live like trailer trash as often as possible mother. Thank you for scheduling my children's Easter so that I feel like a visitor along for the ride. Thank you for telling me I can't take care of child's hair and for taking it upon yourself to give her a major style change. Tomorrow is the zoo crew meeting that promises to be unpleasant and unproductive.

So, yesterday morning I'm trying to get myself and all four children dressed and out the door. I'm also trying to pack a change of clothes for Noah and all the equipment we'll need for Girl Scouts. Doug calmly did whatever he wanted and then threw some clothes on and got irritated when I asked him to help carry a few boxes to the car. We didn't get any chairs for the soccer game. Sarah got screamed at that she couldn't have a drink and I let it go because I thought we were getting her a drink on the way there. Anyway, Doug hops in the car and pops it into reverse and slams into my grandmother's car which he has been using for travel. He immediately started cussing and hitting the steering wheel. He turned to me and in one breath blamed the boxes and I while emitting several choice curse words. He hopped out, surveyed the damage, drove my grandmother's car straight through the lawn and over the drop onto our driveway. Can't have been good for the underneath of that car. Hopped back in our car and backed out with his foot all the way down on the gas pedal. Screached the car as he turned around and sped out of our neighborhood at 85 miles an hour. Sarah and Noah were crying and Tommy looked like he was in shock. Amy whimpered and whined. I screamed at him to stop the car and although he slammed on the brakes at one point so hard that I smacked into the dashboard, he just paused long enough to curse at me before slamming back down on the gas. We had planned on driving through for hot chocolate but Doug pulled in to the coffee drive-thru and then sped around it without stopping, mumbling "we don't have time for this *#@!." The children looked like they were devastated. When we arrived at the soccer field we were one of the only people there so early. Doug jumped out of the car with the car keys, opened all the doors and told us all to "get the @#~* out" and stomped away. The boys wandered to the field and then came back to the car because they didn't know what to do with no coach and no Dad to help them warm up. I sat there trying to pull myself together. Sarah came up front and sobbed that it was all her fault because she was in the very back of the car and should have been watching out better. We talked a little and then went out to the field, none of us wanting to be there. Doug came back at the beginning of the game and kept snarling at me. The other parents kept looking at us and I was very unhappy about the scene we were causing. When my parents arrived Doug walked to the other side of the field and stayed away from us the entire game. My father kept asking why Amy was so weepy and Tommy was so quiet and all I could say was "We had a bad morning, don't worry about it." My father pushed and prodded for details but I said nothing so he growled "It's not fair for the kids to have to suffer because of you." After soccer we went to Girl Scout bowling and I tried to forget the morning but honestly I was angry with Doug for being so frightening and scared that he would be losing his temper again at any moment. Doug has a nasty mean temper that I've noticed in all but one member of his family (hospital switch maybe). He never showed his temper until after we were married and although I never stop loving him, there are times when the children and I are very afraid of him. I think he is psychologically abusive and am certain that he was and still is psychologically abused by his parents.

"A woman is beautiful if she gets 8 hours of sleep and visits the beauty parlor every day." Betty Davis in Mr. Skeffington "Daylight savings time sucks." Cathy McCaughan on Sunday morning

Amy found a tiny plastic baby doll in her big sister's stuff. She spent the day carrying it around, talking to it and feeding it. This afternoon she would drop it down the front of her overalls, jump up and down and if it didn't appear immediately, look at me and say "Where's baby?" I'd shake her pants leg, the doll would fall out and Amy would drop it down her pants again. I got tired of this game LONG before Amy did.

I went to a Baptist school and consequently, never had a prom. In fact the only time I've ever worn a formal outfit was my first wedding and I wore my Mother's wedding dress for that. But that's not my point. I did go to several dances at a nearby private Catholic boys' school. Those dances were chaperoned by nuns and priests. Parents weren't allowed to intrude on the teens evenings. I had friends at public schools. They said their dances and proms had teachers, not parents. I can't imagine having a parent as a date for a dance. Boys sometimes came without dates but that was to make trouble. If a girl didn't have a date, not only did she not attend, she had an imaginary engagement that kept her from attending.

Tried to nap for a few minutes but Amy said no and I came upstairs to visitors in our very messy house. Very embarrassing. This is one of those "so much to do that I don't know where to begin times".

After a REALLY bad start to the day, we pretty much recovered and had a good time. I think I'll wait and see how Doug describes the early morning before I describe it from my viewpoint. Noah's team lost their soccer game but all Noah cared about was the snack. We went to bowling with the Girl Scouts and I put schedules for the rst of the year in the parents' hands. There should not be any more confusion. Sarah decided to spend the afternoon with a friend and now Doug is out to split more wood. Since he is in so much pain fromyesterday's wood splitting, I doubt if he'll last too long. Personally I think he'd do better recovering today and starting fresh tomorrow.

We need to leave in 15 minutes, so Doug is getting out the toaster. He hasn't even thought about getting dressed. This drives me crazy.

Doug is possessed today. He has done massive accomplishing of tasks.

Do you dip your artichoke leaves in mayonnaise or butter? Doug likes butter and I like mayo.

Read this and then read Rules for Radicals.

My apologies for the extremely colorful language, but I feel that Ode to My Car aptly describes all three of our stinky vehicles right now. Do you know of a less offensive song about cars falling apart?

Oh, forgot to whine about something. Yes, I know I do enough whining as it is. Anyway, last night I was sitting in bed making "to-do" lists in my planner when Doug walked in the room, clicked off the lights and flopped in the bed before I could even speak. Umm, hello? I'm here too.

Doug fixed my printer so I can resume printing flyers, permission slips and such. Lots of irons in my fire right now.

Dropped stuff off to be copied. The copy bill is going to be huge. Sarah suggested that we could just spend that money on yarn and come out even. I'm hoping that we'll come out better this way. Let's see who is right. Took everyone to IHOP for dinner (kids eat free) and came home. Amy stripped and then made a nasty mess on Noah's bedroom floor. Cleaned it up and now I need to get things ready for the morning rush. I'm having printer problems and I need to write a letter to Tommy's school.

Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming into a vacuum and my words are never heard.

Once again, it's the time of day when all I want to do is nap. Maybe we should move to some country where people take afternoon naps.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is going.

The zoo crew is finally communicating. Entertainment is great and I'm not worried about equipment except for the things we borrow from CSE. They are ignoring Doug's calls and his ex now works there so I think that we have a problem there. The exhibitors are few (7) and all the same old, same old despite my pleading that they get some new exhibitors this year. What's aggravating is I can't try and get more because the woman in charge of them has gotten cranky about and thinks that what she has is plenty. Two years ago (I didn't participate last year) we had 25 exhibitors. I almost feel like ignoring this project and letting it fail. Project Linus is much more exciting and has better potential.

Last night I did some cleaning and printed a pile of stuff for the Project Linus donation drive. I really need one major retail place to allow a drop-off box so I can get an article in the newspaper. I wish I knew if any of the other scouts will even try to participate. They are sort of a "least amount of effort" group. I'm going to make sure we get a few new girls next fall. We moved Sarah and Noah around in the night as an April Fool but the joke didn't go over too well. Doug's chocolate milk in the regular milk container poured over cereal this morning was a popular move though. I had a bad dream and had to come upstairs and see all the children at 6:30 this morning. I cat napped on the couch for a bit and now I'm doing my morning e-mail read, blog read, e-mail reply & blogging. It's still cold out but it looks like the rain might be gone. Tommy has STAR today.

What's the message on this shirt?

What's your color? I think I'm Blue, green, gold, orange.