Dear Doug, I apologize for squeezing bruises onto your forearms. Sorry I used fingernails on some of those squeezes. Sorry for the evil glares and wishing that when I was blowing and panting, I was blowing flames. Sorry for screaming in your ears and crying on your shoulders. I'm sorry I wouldn't go to the hospital until 9 hours after my water broke. Sorry I leaked on our sheets, the furniture, the car and everywhere else. I apologize for making you try to convince a woman in active back labor that she was halfway there and didn't need an epidural. Thank you for the beautiful baby boy. I love you and I love our family. Cathy P.S. I really need a nap.

We have been home for a full day now but I am just too tired to blog. Maybe Evan will sleep for longer than 20 minute intervals tonight. Otherwise I think I may stay in bed with Evan all day tomorrow and ignore the cleaning that must constantly be done to keep up with 5 children, 2 dogs and a husband. As soon as I start a load of laundry I will begin my "bed-in".

Doug - Evan in the nursery "Yo man! It's cold on the outside!" Cathy - This is Evan at about 1 hour trying to get his temperature up.

Doug - Amy pets her baby brother. Cathy - This is Evan about 10 minutes after his arrival.

Doug - After receiving the epidural, Cathy decided everyone should be in the bed for the delivery. Cathy - After the epidural I actually felt human enough to SEE the rest of the family.

if blogger accepts pictures this is evan in the nursery.

21:35 7 pounds 3.8 ounces pictures at phlog.net under djuggler and posts at cursed-juggler.blogspot.com

Heading to the hospital. I think we'll have a long night but Doug and the rest of the family are not happy with me staying home any longer.

Doug is too eager to go to the hospital. "Are you ready to go yet?" Tommy has decided to tantrum all day. Sarah is angry that I made her come home from her friend's house (she slept there last night and had stuff planned to do today). Noah is playing Star Wars on the PS2 and blissfully unaware of the chaos. Amy wants to talk whenever I am having a contraction. "What you doing Mom? Moooom. I need apple juice. "

Something is happening.

Top 10 List of: Things That Happen When Mom Takes a Bath 10. The phone rings. 9. Someone knocks on the door. 8. Two of the children decide to squabble LOUDLY. 7. Someone gets a boo-boo that needs immediate attention. 6. Molly drinks the bath water and leaves behind a trail that I will slip on when exiting the bath. 5. Noah has to use the potty because it is too urgent to make it downstairs. 4. Sarah comes in and asks for a ride somewhere in the next 5 minutes. 3. A naked toddler races in and jumps in the already crowded tub. 2. Noah and neighborhood children walk in room to ask questions. 1. Molly drops her slobbery ball in the bath water.

Molly speaks Wookie. I need Han Solo to come over and tell me what she is saying.

Kristal (the world's busiest Mom) sent Evan a PayPal gift! I think that was incredibly sweet and thoughtful and I think Evan should come out and thank her. Don't you? Thank you VERY much Kristal!

Any suggestions for getting red Sharpie marker off the sofa, chair cushions, painted dressers, walls, etc. ? I knew that something would happen to distract us from LOST.

Medical information wanted: My little brother is asking for help finding information.

Two hours of LOST on tv tonight. We barely make it through a one hour episode without a half a dozen interruptions. Hopefully this will be shown again soon so we can watch all the parts we miss.

Looking out the window today is like looking at a child's crayon drawing. The sky is bright blue with fluffy white clouds. The leaves are several shades of green and swaying in the gentle breeze. I wouldn't recommend looking to confirm it, but I bet the sun has a happy face and straight lines coming out in every direction.

Amy wanted one of Noah's presents. 

There was chocolate cake. 

We ate pizza. 

Happy 9th Birthday Noah! I know you asked for your little brother to come on your birthday, but I think he wants this to be just your special day. We have watched Star Wars DVDs all day and tonight we'll have Star Wars cake, Star Wars gifts and then a Star Wars movie in the theater. Late tonight I'll post the intergalactic pictures. I love you birthday boy!

My midwife has the best sense of humor. Midwife - "I just don't know why this baby hasn't come yet." Me - "Me neither. It feels like he is going to fall out." Midwife - "From this angle it looks like he is falling out. Is Doug doing his part to help?" Me - "Yes, Doug is trying to unprocreate. It is about the opposite of the fun of procreation too." Midwife - "Well, Doug had his fun 9 and a half months ago. Now he has work to do."

How poorly does Doug understand women? I sent him a text message to let him know that my doctor's office (every single person I talked to there owes me a dollar) was running behind and I would be gone longer than usual. He texted me back to "relax and enjoy myself." Do other women find the ob/gyn relaxing? Do they enjoy the exams? Are all men this clueless?

Today is the last day of school and the official beginning of sleepover season. Tonight Sarah is at a friend's house. Tomorrow she'll be asking to be at another friend's or wanting a friend over here. This saga will continue all summer long. I would like to have a temporary reprieve from these all-night giggle and eat parties but then I would feel I was being unfair to the other parents. The hotel is closed but the guilt is always open for business.

Tonight we have a full moon AND some rain in the forecast. Everybody do a labor dance.

Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero happening here. I think I will just go back to bed.

A message to a dear friend - Please take some time to nurture yourself. You work so hard to help others but it is time for you to let others help you. I love you. "In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." Albert Camus

Not in labor yet and Doug is tired of my verbal abuse and tears so we are going to go someplace and walk. I think that walking is just busy work to make me think I have any control over this.

I have nothing to say right now. I am just a big, ticking bomb that everyone is staring at in anticipation of an explosion. I tried doing a puzzle to keep myself busy but the dog ate it. The rain makes a trip to the dog park impossible. Nothing to do but wait. I can nap on the couch or soak in the bathtub until my fingers look like raisins. Sigh.

I know I shouldn't defend a movie I won't see until it is released on DVD but I am adding my two cents anyway. Yes, the new Star Wars movie is dark, sad and violent. We all know what has to happen in this movie and it is not a happy thing to watch someone become evil and without any redeemable human qualities. Hardcore Star Wars fans were teens when the first three movies were released. Those fans are now adults and they would be very disappointed if their movie didn't grow up with them. Adults expect more than the cheese of the 80s and special effects have developed that make things MUCH more realistic. The fans who didn't stay in their parents' basements and now have children of their own should know that the censored, child-safe version will be on television all too quickly. They should also know that older children see violence in their cartoons, comic books and endlessly repeated on the news that we were not exposed to as children. No, this movie isn't made for children. It was made for my generation.

Amy is doing her part to help fight the laundry monster today by refusing to wear clothes. "No! I be nekkid!"

Update on fines: My father owes 2 dollars for asking when the baby is coming and an additional dollar for calling and asking to speak to the baby. He will more than work off his fines babysitting for the older children when I am in the hospital. Whine of the day moment: Preadolescents are developing sooner every year and evolution combined with hormones in our diets are being blamed. I think evolution would do us all a favor if the human pregnancy was a little shorter. 40 weeks is just about a month too long. The last few weeks are miserable physically and emotionally. If it was a little shorter, it would be the feeling chipper and energetic pregnant woman that I was last month giving birth and not the sore, exhausted, verge of tears pregnant woman that I have become.

My underwear drawer - A few years ago I told all of the children that if there was ever anything they wanted to tell me but couldn't say aloud, were embarrassed or afraid, they should write a note and put it in my underwear drawer. Underwear drawer notes are exempt from punishment but long discussions were always possible. For the first year I rarely got a note and even then it was a sweet drawing or love note (usually from Sarah). She was testing the communication road and I was so naive that I fell right into believing this drawer was going to be all fun and nice. Then came a few notes confessing minor misbehaviors. This was fine and I got all excited about the brilliance of the underwear drawer plan. Two months ago my underwear drawer suddenly developed a homemade mailbox that had to be created by Sarah. This would have been a warning sign to a better mother. For the past month I have been getting weekly and sometimes daily notes asking about having a boyfriend and dating. Maybe Sarah is just doing her part to induce labor, but I am growing weary of trying to write positive and supportive notes back to my NOT YET 12 YEAR OLD about why she is too young to go on a date. I am starting to see the appeal in girl-only schools.

All children must now go to bed so that the adults can watch LOST.

The school presented me with the solution to my quest for Tommy's summer goal today. This was his last day of school for the year and he gets to keep his AlphaSmart all summer, soooo his goal is going to be to keep a summer journal. He can write how he feels, talk about a book he is reading or make up a story. I don't care what he writes as long as he is practicing expressing himself. One of his IEP goals is to learn how to answer an essay question and since he rarely writes more than 4 words to answer test questions now, it is going to take some work to get up to multiple sentences.

The good news is that I whined about not wanting to be induced and now I don't have to hear about it again until Monday's appointment. The bad news is that I am only up to 2 cm. The good news is that is what I was the entire time I was in labor with Amy. In a five minute time frame I went from 2 to 10 so maybe this is as ready as I get before labor starts. So where are the serious contractions instead of the painless but constant ones I have now? I am off to walk the mall and visit all of their restrooms. The other good news is that rain is in the forecast for tomorrow and the best news of all is that Sunday will be a full moon. Now all I need is some special tea and black magic.

This weekend I saw mosquitos AND the first tick of the season. Blech! 

I have fandangoed tickets for the rest of the family to see Star Wars on Noah's birthday. I dropped off Star Wars micro-machines for the bakery to use on top of the requested chocolate cake. The presents are bought (all Star Wars themed) and as soon as the children are in bed I will get the gifts wrapped. Noah's birthday should be okay regardless of whether I am home with the baby, in the hospital or still waiting and grumbling. I know am clearly insane, but I think at tomorrow's midwife appointment I'll beg for one more week to let this baby come on his own. I really don't want to be induced. Or maybe I do.

Bad hurricane season predicted - Last year wasn't fun enough?

I can go walk the Lakeshore trail, have awkward and completely un-romantic relations with my husband or take a nap. Ummm. . .

Gestation times in different mammals: Mouse - 20 days Dog - 60 days Sheep - 21 weeks Humans - 40 weeks Elephant - 94 weeks Doug's son - forever and ever

Beginning now, there will be a $1 fine every time someone says any of the following: "When are you going to have that baby?" "Are you STILL pregnant?" "You are HUGE!" There will be a $5 fine every time someone pokes my belly button. Fees may be paid via Paypal or cash. All proceeds go toward Doug's vasectomy fund.

Because I am a bad mother, I plan my children's summers. In the past I have put together workbooks, complicated reward charts and elaborate token economies based on educational activities. I do this in addition to the various summer camps and activities that I sign them up to attend. This summer I need something simple. I am going to have only one goal for the summer that I want them to work on each week. Sarah's is easy. I want her to read more. She is incredibly bright but would rather craft, talk on the phone or shop than sit and read so, I want her to read a little each day. At the end of the summer I want to see a list of what she read. Noah's is easy too. I want him to practice his handwriting each week. He wasted most of Kindergarten with a teacher who wouldn't let him use his left hand and he has never really caught up with his fine motor skills. I don't care if he writes on the road with sidewalk chalk or on the walls of the bathtub with shaving cream, I just want him to practice his writing. Amy will continue learning her letters and having books read to her. But what to do for Tommy? There are so many choices and I must first choose if I want him to focus on a strength or a weakness. Hmmmm.

Hardees commercials - Funny and wry Burger King commercials - Creepy and annoying

This week's Knoxville area ladies room reviews: Coliseum - Grade "F" I have seen cleaner and better designed bathrooms at gas stations. These bathrooms are dark, dirty and poorly designed for traffic flow. Before our event even began the tissue supply was almost gone. Those cloth roll hand dryers are so dirty and disgusting that they should be thrown away. There are too few stalls and they are too tiny for a parent with a toddler. I had trouble getting the door open enough to exit because of my large stomach. The rotting conference table tossed in one corner for changing babies is inexcusable. Tear this bathroom down and start over. Babies R Us - Grade "C" Moderately clean but maintenance needs to done and the bland off-white is very cold and unpleasant. Paint, put something on the walls and consider adding a toddler stall. They do have a small changing area with a rocker for nursing across the hall and I give them bonus points for not expecting Mothers to nurse in the bathroom. Connor's - Grade "B" Clean, attractive and all automated but too few stalls. Parisian at West Town Mall - Grade "A" Even though they have taken out the telephone, this is still a very clean, attractive and calming restroom. Great decor with minimal advertising and plenty of stalls as well as a floor length mirror add to the atmosphere. The sofa and chairs are separated from the stalls so it doesn't feel nasty to nurse in this room.

Alert the media - Thanks to my parents' generosity, Doug and I went out to dinner someplace without a drive-thru (Connor's) and without any children joining us. Technically we had one child along, but I was the only one who felt his presence. The food was wonderful and the atmosphere was incredibly relaxing. Now it is time to resume the never-ending laundry war.

Musophobia - Fear of mice 

Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns  

What is the phobia name for fear of laundry? 

Something to fear besides land sharks.

Yes, today is Friday the 13th. No, I would not mind having a baby today. Since the only thing happening in that area of my body is that my back hurts like crazy and just for fun I occasionally get stabbing pains down one of my legs that make walking impossible, I think I will take ALL the Girl Scouts to the circus tonight. I like the clowns, trained dogs and the fast pace of the action taking place all over the arena floor. Contortionists are creepy and wild animals like elephants and tigers doing tricks makes me feel a little uncomfortable and sad. Is there any known correlation between the circus and going into labor? Is there any correlation between going into labor and Friday the 13th? I think there are a lot of things worthy of fear, but the imposed date and day of the week are not one of them. What do YOU fear?

Thank you to Dean & Jeni and my blog friends for the good wishes. Except for the flowers my Mother sent, yesterday was a dishes, laundry and cleaning up after the children day just like any other day. I knew Doug would have been too busy for the last 365 days to acknowledge the day and I am fine with that. However, I am very disappointed in myself for having failed to teach my children the importance of making the people around you feel loved and appreciated.

Unless I go to the hospital, which I am sure I won't, I'm taking tomorrow off from blogging so that I can devote all of my energies toward sulking and doing laundry. I will return to phobia blog on Friday. Are YOU affected by Paraskevidekatriaphobia?

Favorite quotes from today's midwife visit: "If your water breaks you should call an ambulance." "I don't know how you can walk with the baby this low." The only ambulance I am calling will be from Lakeshore and it will be for Doug .

"Send me your old soccer balls and I will eat play with them until they fall apart."

When the person sleeping next to you is snoring as loud as a chainsaw, do you - ignore it, move to the couch or give them a big shove to roll over?

On rainy days (like today) our Internet connection is almost non-existent. No baby yet but I do have wonderful stabbing pains running down my thighs that nearly make me fall down. I feel like kicking the person who called me an easy-bake oven (just poke it in and out pops a baby) but I am trying to be more positive than yesterday so I will just laugh about it. Ha-ha, it is sooo "easy" to be 9 months pregnant and plan your day around bathroom breaks.

I am finishing up my list of phone numbers to take to the hospital. I hope I have your current phone number since I don't have a laptop to take with me. Now, everybody do a baby dance. or light a candle or something to let this baby know it's time to come on out. If he doesn't come out by midnight on Wednesday, he will have a different number on his birth certificate and that would be depressing.

"Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays." Oops, that would be me. Tomorrow will be better.  

The inside cat has no idea how close she is to becoming an outside cat. I spent days scrubbing and cleaning cat hair out of the crib and bassinet and she has ruined all my work. I am VERY TICKED!

The dogs like to scoop up a mouthful of food and wander back to whatever they were doing. When they do, they leave a trail that would put Hansel and Gretel to shame. Why won't they eat the food they drop? Considering that they love to eat cat poo, it can't be a hygiene issue.

Let's recap my Mother's Day experience: Tommy asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day so I asked him to please mow the yard for my gift. He didn't. Doug asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day so I asked him to do any project around the house for my gift. He didn't. Saturday night Doug and Tommy went to the movies while I stayed home and did some cleaning. Doug told everyone that he would be working on our bedroom wall on Sunday. I told everyone that Doug would sleep and computer on Sunday. Sunday morning I woke up at 7 and did a load of laundry followed by a load of dishes. I straightened all the childrens' bedrooms except for Tommy's since he was still sleeping. Started a second load of laundry and then took a long soak in the bathtub. Got dressed and folded clean laundry. At 11 Tommy awoke and got dressed only because he was excited at the prospect of eating out. At noon Doug awoke and one of the kitchen drawers broke when he tried to open it so he put it on the table where it will now sit for months. Doug quickly dressed and we went to the restaurant. I told Doug that Molly would be raiding the trash while we were gone but he said he blocked the trashcan with a chair. We had a pleasant meal complete with homemade cards that Sarah, Noah and Amy had made at school. Noah's card broke my heart. I'll go back to that. My Mother gave me cash with strict orders to buy something for myself when I started talking about new shoes for Tommy. Doug told everyone that my gift was the wall he would be making. I rolled my eyes. Went outside to find my Mother's new car very damaged and Amy's diaper bag stolen. Went home so Doug could sit at his computer. Molly had scattered the trash all over the house. I took the two oldest children out to find sandals. It took 14 tries to get a pair of sandals that Tommy would wear. He still needs sneakers but I was too frustrated to keep trying. Sarah liked every single pair of sandals she tried on but we both agreed on a cute pair. Grabbed sale shirts for Sarah, Tommy and Doug as well as a strapless bra for Sarah which thrilled her. Bought myself one Mooshi pillow for my tummy. Came home to do more laundry, more dishes and cleaning up the day's messes. Amy claimed the "squishy pillow" but Doug took it from her after she fell asleep. Finally went to bed at 10 to read the newspaper. Oh, Noah's handmade card read: "I wish my Mom would have fun more. Love, NGC, otherwise known as your youngest son"

For Mother's Day my father took us all out to eat. While we were inside someone broke into my Mother's new car (a crowbar was used to bend the door frame and shatter the window). They stole what I am sure they thought was a purse. It was Amy's diaper bag and besides the usual clean pull-ups, travel wipes and spare security blanket, it contained one very soggy pull-up that hadn't yet been thrown away. I wish it had been a poopy diaper. Thieves are selfish and hateful people.

I know this feeling. 

Public Service Announcement - Since nothing is comfortable, I think I will spend the remainder of this pregnancy wearing only a ratty bathrobe and fuzzy socks. I am not responsible for any blindness caused by this horrible image.

Today was a beautiful spring day in Knoxville and we spent the day enjoying ourselves at the zoo. Of course, we all came home and fell deep asleep. Now to plan the evening. Maybe I should eat Mexican. Some cities have restaurants that are famous for inducing labor. I wonder if we have one?

I am NOT at the hospital, I am just busy running errands and getting ready for the zoo tomorrow.

Updates on the rest of the clan: Amy - She thinks she is the center of the universe. She will be reading when she starts Kindergarten but will still be wearing pull-ups. Noah - His pink eye flared up one day after stopping the Tobramycin. He will be camping in a cave with Dad tomorrow night. Sarah - Gets back from her student council trip to Nashville tomorrow. The school computer called to tell us she is truant. Tommy - I am NOT sending him to his birth father's this summer. I think he is happier here. Doug - Should be medicated.

Not as much fun as my Easter picture and I don't poke out as much since he dropped so low I feel like he's going to fall out BUT I think the expression on my face requires no explanation. 

Foods I want to eat after this baby is born: Jeni's banana pudding, Pasta, Traditional banana pudding, Pancakes, Rita's thumbprint cookies, Strawberry shortcake, White chocolate banana pudding, Godiva dark chocolate, Banana milkshake, French toast, My grandmother's strawberry birthday cake, Biscuits with butter and jelly, PF Changs, Puleo's and I'm sure I'll think of more later. What would you want after several months of no-sugar, low carb eating?

I should get things done when I am awake for no reason from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. but I just don't have the energy to do anything but roll over and try to find a comfortable way to rest. I have learned that those wierd, squishy pillows that are marketed to kids work well under big, round bellies. It's probably just the rain, but I feel achey today.

Why do I have to struggle to work my way through a mob of smokers as I enter and exit medical buildings (something I do a LOT of lately)?

Why does my daughter, who is built like a Blind Faith album cover have more than twice as many bras as I have?

With double-secret, six-weeks probation right around the corner, don't you think Doug should help me coax this baby out?

Is it wrong to fall asleep during Lazy Town?

"I am not Elasti-Girl."

This just makes me think about living in Atlanta during the Olympics. Homeless, panhandlers, hitchhikers and anyone who might offend the city's Olympic visitors were put in police cars and driven to the city limits where they were encouraged not to return. Maybe Nashville should drive their panhandlers to Kentucky. Then, TN can change their motto to "It's someone else's problem, we just treat symptoms."

Molly got her stitches out today, so I think she is finished hiding and pouting. 

Thank goodness someone finally made a movie about Elvis. There have only been how many semi-biographies?

May 1st thru the 7th is Children's Mental Health Week. This Saturday, May 7th from 10 a.m. until 2 p.m. in the Kids Cove area of the Knoxville Zoo there will be an event to celebrate Children's Mental Health. There will be exhibits from local agencies with representatives available to answer questions and information you can take home. There will be on-stage entertainment (including a juggler) as well as local area costume characters. While supplies last there will be free popcorn. Exhibitors include: Grandparents as Parents Program, Knox County Head Start, Department of Children's Services, Child Help Inc., TheraLink, Inc., Foothills Care Inc., East TN Resource Center, Girl Scouts, Ridgeview, Helen Ross McNabb Center, East TN Children's Hospital, Knox County Public Defender's Office, Cerebral Palsy Center, Child & Family TN, Mental Health Association, Camp Discovery, Vickie Church - Education Specialist, Parent Child Services, East TN Commission on Children and Youth, National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, YMCA, Tennessee Voices for Children, Peninsula/Lighthouse, Magellan/Advocare, TN Mental Health Consumers Association, Florence Crittenton Agency, Big Brothers/Big Sisters I'll be the ridiculously pregnant woman with her swollen ankles propped up in a chair. If I'm not there it's because I'm at Fort Sanders Hospital.

Noah and Doug were seriously outnumbered by Girl Scouts and Moms in Chattanooga yesterday. 

My life doesn't feel like a long and winding road. It seems more like a series of bridges to cross. Bridges that are much too close together.